Eat Your Heart Out
by kotaxvampire
Summary: A skeleton covered in disgusting flesh  Mauled by disappointment and regrets  Starving in the day and night  Ribs protrude from the skin  He feels the beauty in the pain  And smiles through the ache he feels  Hurting and dying slowly inside


**Eat Your Heart Out**

A skeleton covered in disgusting flesh

Mauled by disappointment and regrets

Starving in the day and night

Ribs protrude from the skin

He feels the beauty in the pain

And smiles through the ache he feels

Hurting and dying slowly inside

With beauty comes anguish

Tears crawl down his face as he looks at his self

Skin and bones are all he felt

But inside he felt wonderful drowning in the satisfaction

He felt magnificent finally fitting what had been brought to his attention

His heart pounded in his chest

Weak as the rest of him

It was fading to a silent hum

He fell to the floor giggling

'I did it…..i did it' he gasped trying to live

Crawling out of the room he feels his light start to dwindle

Blacking out he feels nothing but complete regret

11/10/10

By: Kotaxvampire

The mirror lay smashed on the floor like my slaughtered miniscule self-esteem. Blood oozed from my feet as I walked over my shattered reflection. The gaunt, gangly, and scarred boy I had become was evident. My ribs rippled from my sides and my spine was clearly visible. My once lively eyes dulled down to nothing. My fingers bony, my elbows sharp, and my legs were frail.

_I had done this to myself. _I giggled. I felt the beauty even if I knew that this sickly shadow I had mutated myself to be was anything but beautiful. Glass tore into dull flesh as bright red blood contrasted the deathly white carpet.

Laughter escaped me. I felt the lunacy in my actions. I dropped to my knees in the pile of broken ambition and demolished self confidence. Glass ripped threw me. Dingy tears dropped down my face. _Him….him….he was trying to save me._

Sobs raked through my malnourished frame, I was the fool, I was dense. I needed support. I started to crawl my hands slamming into the glass as I crawled toward the stairs. My scarred knuckles out for the world to see. _Almost there._ I cried as the pain started to ripple through me.

"Edward?" I froze, it was him. _NO NO NOOOOO! He can't see me like this. He can't leave nooo. _I cried harder as I tried to stand on the shattered memories and distant distraught dreams. My skeletal legs gave way. I dropped onto the floor like dead weight. Sobs erupted from me. Footsteps pounded in my ears as he raced up the stairs. "Oh god."

My dull eyes glanced up into the stunning blue ones. His hand clasped over his mouth as he drew in a sharp breath. Tears ran down my face, even though I couldn't breathe. He had finally seen the damage the reason I hide myself in baggy shirt after baggy shirt I didn't exist. He cautiously walked toward me as I sat in my destroyed morals and dismembered heart. I flinched away from him as his hands weaved in and out of my greasy hair. I felt his emotions as they suffocated me with love and affection. "Hurts." I whimpered, as I went to lift my hand up off my confidence.

"God baby." He whispered and knelt down to lift me off of my embarrassment and self loathing. I wrapped my shard covered arms around his neck and the sniffling started. His calloused hands run up and down my spine. He gently sat my skeleton on the sink. His hands grabbed onto mine, turning my arms around inspecting my self- inflicted hatred. Tears dampened his cheeks as he grabbed the trash bin and some tweezers. "It's gonna' hurt baby." He said searching my eyes for some sort of light. _It's gone love, you will be next. _

"Don't worry about it, Jasper." My voice was rough from the first round of self-inflicted emptiness. I shivered at the cool breeze entering from the open door. "Just let me go…" I whispered and hung my head toward the floor. His hand clung to me desperate for some answers most of which I was not willing to give.

"You shut your mother fucking mouth, Edward." He yelled. My face shot up toward his and his palm rested against my sunken in cheek. "When I told you I loved you. I meant every fuckin' word! I LOVE YOU! Edward I know your past did not treat you properly. I also know your father is a fucking oxygen thief. But this…" He motioned up and down my frame. "Is not attractive." I flinched away from the words, trying to change my mind on my perception of beauty. His fingers traced my ribs that stuck through my flesh.

"Stop." I whimpered, I tried to pull my hands to smack his away, but Jasper was stronger. I whimpered and cried as his finger ran trails over my anorexic form. "Plea…pleas…ss…e." I cried as his blue eyes smothered mine.

"No." He continued his ministrations. His blue eyes connecting with my tear filled green ones, my blood slowly ran down my arms. "You Edward…are beautiful inside and out. But this, whatever you are doing to yourself must stop. Or else there will be nothing left for me to love. Do you not understand?" I wanted to nod because I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that he was still in my bathroom with my emaciated self.

"I ..d…d..don..don't get it." I stuttered. My head disgustingly spun. "Why?" I whispered. "Why keep me can't you see…..see….I'M DISGUSTING!" I shouted in his face, spit flew from my lips tainting his serene face. He seemed unfazed by my truth that spread through the air like a dastardly virus.

Jasper crashed my body into the space my self esteem use to hang. His eyes held threat. "YOU EDWARD MASEN ARE EVERYTHING BUT DISGUSTING! DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT MY BOYFRIEND LIKE THAT DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Tears poured out of him as he screamed. Sobs racked through me.

"J..j…jas..jasper…" I cried. His arms wound themselves around my destroyed self. "I'm s…s..so .sss…sorry." I clung to him with all my strength, which wasn't much.

His hot breath ran over my ears, in a soothing refreshing gesture. "I love you, Edward. We'll fix this…I don't care how hard. We will conquer and destroy this mother fucker." I sniffled into his shoulder as I hung on for dear life. _Fixed can I be fixed?_

"How?" I whispered roughly, wiping my nose with my scarred knuckles. "I don't know if I can take it." I said honestly. "I've always been this way; I'm not going to be beautiful anymore." I whimpered, hoping he wasn't going to scream. "I want to be beautiful for you…" I let the sentence slip from my lips.

He sighed and ran his fingers over the base of my neck. "You are beautiful." His blue eyes caught my blood shot green ones. "You'll be even more so….once we fix your problem." He grabbed the tweezers and started removing the hatred, piece by piece it fell from my body. I was starting to feel overwhelmed in all the relief. "Only a few more pieces, gorgeous." He made quick work of my feet bandaging and kissing the pain away. "Food time." I cringed at the word. I had nothing to offer. Nothing to succeed in.

"I don't wanna." I cried as Jasper lifted me off the sink. I started to sob "Please don't make me please." I hiccupped. I shook my head back and forth at the idea of food actually being in my stomach. He continued toward the kitchen, I tried to wiggle from his arms, but Jasper's grip only got tighter. "Hurts. Hurts. No I can't do this." I sobbed.

"Yes baby you can. And you will we're starting right here and right now." He walked toward our cabinets and pulled a packet of saltine crackers from the depths. He sat me on the counter. "We'll take this one cracker at a time." He handed me a saltine cracker and I shook with fear nothing had been inside me for over a month, and whatever little had had been given back to the porcelain god.

The cracker slipped from my fingers and I cried harder. "I'm sorry." He just handed me another one.

"Try, Edward that's all I'm asking." He ran his hands up and down my arms in an encouraging manner. I took the salty cracker to my lips and nibbled. My mouth salivated at the idea of food, but my gag reflex was not cooperating. I slammed my hand over my mouth and Jasper rubbed my bony back. "Good love, good." He smiled encouragingly at me. "Go again." I tried once more, and it went down smoother. My stomach growled at the idea of being fed. "Someone wants to eat their heart out." I grabbed another cracker.

"Only because it already ate yours." He smirked at me and kissed my forehead. "I'm sorry." I whispered as my head steered toward the ground. His finger lifted me face to face with him.

"No need to worry love, we will fix this together." He smiled and grabbed some crackers and started to eat them. "Gees we need peanut butter." I laughed and he brought over the jar raising it up "to new beginnings." And for once I believed I could fix this.

Love,

Kotaxvampire.

No ownage of anything other than my poem.


End file.
